{"id":301,"date":"2026-01-09T09:52:40","date_gmt":"2026-01-09T08:52:40","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/www.anouk.louisst.o2switch.site\/oups\/?p=301"},"modified":"2026-09-23T08:50:52","modified_gmt":"2026-09-23T06:50:52","slug":"chroniques-de-robert%e2%80%91le%e2%80%91gras-1er-du-nom-ma-vie-avec-la-gueuse","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/www.anouk.louisst.o2switch.site\/oups\/2026\/01\/09\/chroniques-de-robert%e2%80%91le%e2%80%91gras-1er-du-nom-ma-vie-avec-la-gueuse\/","title":{"rendered":"Chroniques de Robert\u2011le\u2011Gras, 1er du nom : Ma vie avec La Gueuse"},"content":{"rendered":"\n

C’est moi, Robert<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\n
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Je me pr\u00e9sente : Robert<\/strong>, dit Robert\u2011le\u2011Gras, 1er du nom<\/strong>, h\u00e9ritier autoproclam\u00e9 du coussin moelleux du salon et souverain incontest\u00e9 du frigo entre 6h et 6h07. Ma vie n\u2019a pas toujours \u00e9t\u00e9 faite de croquettes premium et de siestes strat\u00e9giques. Jadis, je vivais dans la rue, libre, fier, affam\u00e9\u2026 bref, un po\u00e8te incompris. Puis un jour, une humaine m\u2019a recueilli. Depuis, je cohabite avec celle que j\u2019appelle affectueusement La Gueuse<\/strong>. ce n’est pas une gueuse !<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div><\/div>\n\n\n\n

Pourquoi ce titre, me demanderez\u2011vous\u202f? Eh bien, parce qu\u2019il faut bien nommer les choses : elle est mon humble servante. Elle pr\u00e9tend \u00eatre \u201cma ma\u00eetresse\u201d, mais soyons s\u00e9rieux deux minutes. Qui nourrit qui\u202f? Qui ouvre la porte \u00e0 qui\u202f? Qui se l\u00e8ve \u00e0 3h du matin parce que Monsieur a d\u00e9cid\u00e9 que c\u2019\u00e9tait le moment<\/em> de courir dans le couloir\u202f? Voil\u00e0. Merci.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Ma vie avec la Gueuse<\/h2>\n\n\n\n

La Gueuse a un mode de vie fascinant, presque anthropologique. Par exemple, elle poss\u00e8de une \u00e9trange obsession pour les objets rectangulaires lumineux. Elle les regarde, les touche, les tapote, comme si elle tentait d\u2019invoquer un esprit. Parfois, elle rit toute seule. Parfois, elle dit \u201cj\u2019en ai marre\u201d. Moi, je m\u2019assois sur le clavier pour l\u2019aider. Elle n\u2019appr\u00e9cie pas toujours mon soutien.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

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\"\"<\/figure>\n<\/figure>\n\n\n\n

Autre rituel : celui du m\u00e9nage. La Gueuse passe son temps \u00e0 ramasser mes poils, comme si elle esp\u00e9rait un jour gagner la bataille. Quelle na\u00efvet\u00e9. Je renouvelle mon pelage quotidiennement, par pure g\u00e9n\u00e9rosit\u00e9. C\u2019est ma mani\u00e8re de lui laisser un souvenir de moi dans chaque pi\u00e8ce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Et parlons de sa manie de m\u2019appeler \u201cmon b\u00e9b\u00e9\u201d. Je suis un seigneur, pas un nourrisson. Mais je tol\u00e8re, car cela s\u2019accompagne souvent de gratouilles derri\u00e8re les oreilles et de friandises.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

En v\u00e9rit\u00e9, malgr\u00e9 ses bizarreries, La Gueuse est une humaine correcte. Elle chauffe mon lit, remplit mes gamelles, et me laisse r\u00e9gner en paix. Alors je reste. Par charit\u00e9, bien s\u00fbr.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

Sign\u00e9 : Robert\u2011le\u2011Gras, 1er du nom<\/strong> Chat de noble lign\u00e9e (auto\u2011proclam\u00e9e), expert en sieste et en domination douce.<\/p>\n\n\n\n

<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C’est moi, Robert Je me pr\u00e9sente : Robert, dit Robert\u2011le\u2011Gras, 1er du nom, h\u00e9ritier autoproclam\u00e9 du coussin moelleux du salon 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moi, Robert Je me pr\u00e9sente : Robert, dit Robert\u2011le\u2011Gras, 1er du nom, h\u00e9ritier autoproclam\u00e9 du coussin moelleux du salon 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